A New Year's Song For You

Shoddy recording, shoddy acoustics, shoddy lighting in my dungeon of a room... But have a happy crossing over from 2011 to 2012.

Edit: Shitballs, the audio is way off. I'll leave it up for those of you who hate me and want to laugh at me making a fool of myself. The rest of you can just turn it up and walk away from the screen. Oh, my giant teeth!

I lost 55 pounds in 2011. I don't plan on finding anything in 2012 but bikinis, short shorts, and triathlons.

I did find perspective in 2011. I don't plan on losing that anytime soon.

Wake me up when New Year's Eve is through

Ring your bells and blow your whistles, too

The next one hundred days will be the best

But they don't pass the test without you

Crowds of people laughing everywhere

Me pretending that I do not care

The past one hundred days, they flew by

And it's sad to say goodbye

But without you, it's hardly a new year

Maybe next year you'll be here

Baby, let's make this the best year

Wake me up when New Year's Eve is through

I'd rather stay in bed than struggle through

The next one hundred days will get their start

We both know they'll break my heart

But without you, it's hardly a new year

Maybe next year you'll be here

Baby, let's make this the best year

Wake me up when New Year's Eve is through

Wake me up when I'm waking up next to you

What I Want To Be Like At 60

I don't totally understand why, but I bawled when I watched this for the first time.

With a Flourish, the Semester Ends

I believe a little Claire Danes-like celebratory dancing is much needed here.

Andy Warhol Died... And Then I Was Born

On Sunday night my family celebrated life with a dance party. Here's the proof.
These are mostly still photos, taken within seconds of each other, showcasing our moves. I put them into a slideshow-like video so you could check out our choreography.
You should be jealous of my family. We kick so much ass.
What better to post on the day of my birth than the several reasons why I like being alive? I love my family, I love music, and I love freedom.
Happy birthday, me. Let's make year twenty-five the year of wisdom and foresight, shall we?

Have You Seen This Thing?

Behold, the new Purina Fancy Feast commercial, entitled "The Proposal." This came up as an ad during my workout Kitchen Nightmares episode, and I nearly did a spit take.
What the hell is this?
How did this cat lady sneak back into the general population? What use does she have for a man?

And why doesn't the cat's tag say "I Can Haz Yr Hand In Marriage? LOLZ"

The Finley Files: A Vast Vocabulary

Dear Finley,

You are fifteen months old. You walk, run, dance, twirl, and attempt to jump, which really means you tense up your body and then hover on one tip toe while growling ferociously.
You love bananas but hate eggs. You are a burst of energy from the moment you are awake until you finally are forced asleep. You're sleeping from 10 P.M. until about 8:30 A.M., and I'm not complaining.
You still sleep in my bed, scrunched on one side with your face in a pillow until the sun comes up, and then you nuzzle into my neck until you finally slap my face and say, "Bup!" (Up.)
You can tuck a fake phone under one shoulder while using both hands to destroy a cardboard box. You're so talented!
I grabbed a camera to film you showing off your tricks, namely your growing vocabulary. Now, it may sound like you're saying the same word over and over in this video, but as your mother, I guarantee there are subtle differences! After all, I hear these four words probably fifty times each in a day.
Listen for "apple," "hippo," "purple," and inexplicably, "meatball." These four words are the center of your vernacular, and really, who needs any other words? You also show off your meowing, growling, kiss-blowing, and the "cute face" that GiGi taught you, which is unfortunate because now I cannot resist you.



In the past six weeks, you have changed immensely, and I lovingly call you Raptor Baby in those moments when nothing pleases you. It's a daily war for balance: your will versus mine. Some battles you win, and others I win. I have a feeling this is how it will be for the next, oh, eighteen years or so. And that's okay.
I never stop working on my own things, though, despite the guilt that sometimes accompanies ignoring you for ten minutes while I hurry and jot down a song, a chapter, random thoughts. This might drive others nuts, that I would dare let my child suffer and wail while selfishly brainstorming an arbitrary situation for a novel that never seems to be finished--but when you are a grown woman, I hope you always work on your projects, your dreams, even when a little one hollers at your feet for more baby cheetos.
I love you, little fish.
Love, your Mama.

For Your Laughing Pleasure

Our favorite Youtube videos of the year, A to Z.

Amazing Accents by Amy Walker
Backin' Up
Crusty Crusts
Double Rainbow
Everybody Loves the Swagger Wagon
For Ugly People
Grand Impressions by Jimmy Fallon
Hide Yo Kids
I Like Turtles
Jumping in Puddles
Katy Perry and Elmo
LMAO at Katy Perry Falling in Frosting
Marcel the Shell
Nervous Kid
Oh My God--Richard Dawkins
Pregnant Ladies
Quite the Incredible Robot Dancer
Reflections by Justin Bieber
Stickam Friends
Trolololo!
Unbelievably Flexible Kid Doing Numa Numa
Vampires Suck Trailer
Where's Rob?
X Many Black Girl Names
You, Liking This
Zany Japanese Pranksters

Enjoy!

Put Your Feet UP!

Tonight, brewing in my head, were some not-so-happy thoughts:
I was thinking about how single parenting sucks, even though I tell everyone it's a piece of cake if you love your kid enough.
I was thinking about how exhausted I was--not mentally or physically, just in spirit.
I was thinking about how I couldn't possibly chase Finley up the stairs one more time today, not without a good stiff drink.
I was thinking about how I took the long way home from school, just to have quiet time to let the sentences roll around in my mind.
I was thinking about the fear I have expressing my needs--my needs for decompression, my needs for approval, my needs for creating.
I was thinking about how I lend Finley out plenty--every other day at least, for a few hours, to go to school, sit at Starbucks, read downstairs, go for a drive--shouldn't it be enough? That seems like more alone time than any mother I know.
I was thinking about how I'm constantly bullied by guilt and pride--guilt for even allowing these concepts to root in my head, because Finley is gorgeous and I am lucky to have her; pride which makes the words "Help me" choke in my throat, because I have to be Uber Mom and do it all myself.
I was thinking about how I want to smack a certain someone on the head, and tell him there's no way I'll let him get away with the bare minimum when it comes to raising his daughter--at least not without letting his daughter know just how little he really cared.
I was thinking how horrible it feels, knowing I'll always make excuses for Finley's dad because I'd never want to tell her the truth about his involvement.
I was thinking about where I was going to get the strength to wake up tomorrow and do this all again...

And then Hannah showed me this, and I thought, Thank God I'm not pregnant anymore.

Baby Frankensteins: Hiding

Hiding

This song... pretty much defines my relationship with Ricky... and with myself. Where are you? One person says. I'm right here waiting for you. I'll remove all my armor if you'll just be a bird with me. But the other one is in a fantasy land, all by himself, wanting to be left alone.
I always said I'd close every show with this. It needs a violin, obviously.

Where'd you go?

Where are you hiding?
Well, I'm in iron

Clad in iron

Wrapped in a little pink one

Where'd you go?
Pissed my stocking dreams away

And I say

Ready or not

No one's looking

Well, I'm a bird and I thought you were

Where'd my dancing sonnet fly to, I wonder?

Where'd you go?
Where are you hiding?

I'll shake that body upside down

Until the man I found comes crawling out

Ready or not

No one's looking

Well, I'm in silver swirls and sugar coats

And I only wanted to be left alone

Can't I be left alone?
Well, I'm in handcuffs led by murder men

And I really only wanted to be left alone
Can't I be left alone?

Where'd you go?
Where are you hiding?
Well, I'm in iron

Clad in iron

But I'll remove it all for (you)

Baby Frankensteins: Telling

Telling

Writing these lyrics makes me realize how random they kind of are! There's Da Vinci Code in there, the Bible, Shakespeare, more feminism, violation... The underlying theme is judgment. We HAVE all been prostitutes--selling ourselves or our values for something less equal. We HAVE all been murderers--killing little pieces of someone else by putting them down or hurting them. And the thing about counting to 12? Well, I'll give you a prize if you can unveil what I mean. I'll give you clues: a table, a grail, a woman, a centuries-old argument about a marriage.

I'm telling you all about it

But no one seems to be listening

I'm telling you all about it

But no one seems to give a damn

I'm telling you all about it

Something was left out of the story

I'm telling you all about it

Why do we hide what's under our noses?

We all are liars

We all are sinners

We all have been prostitutes at times

So, why?

Someone told me that it

It was all a big circumcision

Someone else told me that it

It's just apathy but who cares?
I'm telling you all this

If we budge an inch, you'll take a mile

I'm telling you all this

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers

We all are robbers

We all are beggars

We all have been murderers at times

So why?

Jesus said to all men, please forgive

So all the men said to all the girls "you sin"

And then they put us in a row

And then they count us off

Oh, well, let's go

1, 2, 3, 4

Lay your body on the floor

5, 6, 7, 8

Pull up your skirt, make it straight

9, 10, 11, well

Well, well, let's not count to 12

We all know what will happen when we get there

We all are liars

We all are sinners

We all have been on the devil's side of things

So why?

Baby Frankensteins: Come

Come
This song is just over a minute long, and I always wanted to use it as an interlude from the more happy songs on the album to the darker, more angry songs. It's obviously about fall and winter, saying goodbye to summer. Makes me think of Persephone.

And that would be Dan and I whispering, but it isn't mixed properly yet, so it sounds a bit odd.

Come said the wind to the leaves one day

Come to the meadow where we will all play

Put on your dresses of scarlet and gold

For the night grows long and the days grow cold

Night grows long and soon we shall all fall

Baby Frankensteins: If

(my vocals are the most shaky on this--I'd blame it on emotions, but truthfully? Our famous musicians are digitally perfected before releasing albums, and this simply isn't.)
If

Once upon a time, Ricky went on a mission. And while he was on a mission, I loved another boy. I don't speak of him, ever, because honestly? The pain I put him through by breaking up with him is too much pain for me to think of. I chose Ricky over Eric. Eric really loved me. In fact, Eric spoiled my ass.

This is a breakup song. But not an angry one, just one where I thought of the good things I got from that relationship. There were too many to list. I learned about kisses, about how to hold hands, about how to talk on the phone to a boy--all from Ricky. But I learned how to be in a relationship from Eric.

My favorite line in this is about the room not being cold... Just meaning that there's some people you love in your life, adore. But when they're not there--it doesn't change a whole lot. Eric is on this album just as much as Ricky is.

This song gave me closure I needed.

If you ever hear our song again

It's okay by me if you remember us

And when you blow those sweet kisses away for good

Just know that your face is carved into my soul for good

And thank you for teaching me about a broken heart

And thank you for teaching me how to say what I want

When I see the sun, I'll know that you are looking too

And I'll smile

I smile because of you

I think we both knew that we had had enough

You were enough

But things change, and time changes things--

See, the room was never cold when you weren't here

And thank you for teaching me how to let it go

And thank you for teaching me how to pick, what to grow

When I dance, my feet will step where we danced

And I'll smile

I smile because of you

I said I'd hold you till I died

You said my fire was what you loved the most

Well, look where we are

Someday I'll look at pictures and wonder if my life was any good

But pictures fade--

But memories don't

I'll think of you and know that my life was good

And thank you

When I dance, my feet will step where we danced

And I'll smile

I smile because of you

Baby Frankensteins: Jesus

Jesus


Facts about this song:
--It is written as a sort of hate-note to God.
--I do not currently hate God.
--I did at one point hate God.
--This is a song about a violation.
--I believe in brutally honest prayer, that if you can pray and be grateful and humble, you can tell God off as well and not be struck down.
--Praying this way requires perhaps more faith than always being nice and thankful to God. I believe God is more interested in hearing us speak to Him/Her/It bluntly, without fear, in a venting manner.
--I promise I'm not this angry anymore. My friends had no idea.

I knew one day I'd have to face it

But I didn't think I'd wish that my conscience was dead

Or dying

Trapped in this box full of secrets

But it's better than reliving my hell

Well, my hell is reliving it

Every night when the lights are gone

So Jesus--You're the one I'm supposed to turn to?
But oh, God--how I want to blame blame blame You
Now I've got to figure out what's best

And somehow it's worse now that You're here

Slow down, slow down, little girl

Let's see if this too will pass

After all, He made you a promise

And I'd be a fool to trust You again

And so I'm gonna go see what the devil has to offer someone like me

So, Jesus--so You're the one to clear the pain?
But oh, God--when I think of You, all I see is shame

Now I've got to pick it up and groove on down the road

Well, I say that's not how it's supposed to be

And I can forgive him, but can I forgive You?

And when I tasted his sweat mixed with my sweat

I looked up, but You were nowhere to be found

Hmm. Don't really know why everything's highlighted. Or how to change it back.

Baby Frankensteins: In Our Own Way

In Our Own Way
Hmmm... What can I say about this song? I almost would have to take it apart line by line. I was in a time where I was really upset with the men in my life, the men in the world, but just as angry at the women in the world for taking a lot of bullshit they didn't deserve. But at the same time, I realized that the only ones standing in the women's way... was the women.
Oh, and the "she?" She's someone very close to me who said very wise things.
My baby frankensteins, for which the album is named, is anything creative I've ever done. I constantly feel protective of anything I make, including my songs, and am reluctant to display them to the "villagers" (you). At the same time, they're the reason I'm here on earth.

Driving back through roses

And I'm through with this time of day

Pouring through the bullshit

And the lies of this time of day

And I realize what she's said she's said all along

I think Ophelia had it right--

Just throw myself in a river

Every time the men go crazy
With their rites of passage and their rules of conduct

What do they have that I don't have?
Hey, world, when did you turn your back on me?
And I will do all it takes until you make sense again

We are all in our way

And she said it's not so bad

What to do or what to say to make sure

I get my money's worth this time around

Because one day when this empire falls

I will be the only one left standing tall

You should have known that I would be the one left standing tall

Hey, world, when did you turn your back on me?
And I will do all it takes until you make sense again

We are all in our own way

And she said it's not so bad

And if she said it's not so bad, then it must be not so bad

We'll show them

Well, I'm just here to protect my baby frankensteins from the villagers

Hey, world, when did you turn your back on me?
Hey, world, why won't you look at me?

And I will do all it takes until you make sense again

We are all in our way

And she said it's not so bad

Baby Frankensteins: Over the Moon

Here goes nothing. Track one for your previewing pleasure.

(Going through Youtube with corny pictures is the only way I can get these mp3s on my blog, so...)
Over the Moon
By far my best work, I think. At least the most catchy. My dear friends Dan and Ben were so inspired by this they asked to be part of it. Playing guitar on this track is Dan, and the harmonica is Ben. Please be aware that the harmonica really belts in at the end because, remember? It's not mixed. So don't let it startle you.

This is my carpe diem song. It's about not wasting time, not wasting life. Having attitude because it makes things more exciting. Never holding grudges. Being natural. Going for it.

And no, I'm not Jewish. I don't know why the "yi di di di's."

In the blink of an eye it's over with

Best get that trip to the clear blue water over with

And they say that it's all in a day

Look at him, he's got nothing to say

I could fill up a book--but I'll say

That it's time to jump over the moon
And it is time to jump over the moon
Good night, good luck, and goodbye

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems you're full of it

Seconds tick by--if it was me, I'd be so over it

I'm gonna dance like I don't even care

Never wear any shoes, and never do my hair

Do what you want--I say it's all fair

And it's time to jump over the moon

And it's time to jump over the moon

Good night, good luck, and goodbye

Does it feel? Does it feel like it's closing in?

You on the house and you up on the hill

Say what you want, or sleep and be still

Well, I'm gonna sing until I've had my fill

And it's time to jump over the moon

And it's time to jump over the moon

Good night, good luck, and goodbye

The Best of Finley Ep. 1

Twenty question survey

1. Show us the inside of something cute

How about... my childhood?

2. What's the last homecooking you had?

3. What do you miss?

4. What makes you laugh often?

Mostly her at-home casual hair (kind of like American geisha)

5. What's your favorite word?

6. What are you trying to quit?

7. What's your favorite commercial right now?

(To give credit where credit is due: Hannah showed me this)

8. Whose style do you dig?

Rebecca Woolf from Girls Gone Child makes us preggos drool over her clothing...

9. Link to a great blog you've discovered recently...

passiveaggressivenotes.com

10. Who's someone who inspires you?

Regina Spektor--she can make a dance song from a piano and a beat

11. A photo of the last happy mail you got.

Uh, a coupon for this...

12. Something you've got lately?

(Heartburn)

13. What are you looking forward to?

A baby girl in November

14. Post a recent snapshot of yourself.

15. Recent favorite movie?

16. Something you're working on right now?

17. If a movie were made about you, who would play you?

18. Who gives you goosebumps?

19. Share a new obsession.

20. What is the meaning of your life?

Not really sure, but it probably has something to do with books

Awesome picture survey courtesy of my lil sis, here.

Labor Day Fun

Happy belated Labor Day, y'all! Thought I'd share this hilarious clip from one of my favorite women online, Rebecca Woolf. Also, it's a cathartic way for me to lay to rest my favorite girl name, FABLE, because this little one is, sadly, not a Fable... Maybe someday she'll have a sister named Fable, but I'm finally putting it away and getting over it... Sigh.
Enjoy.