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Person: Papa. Daddy. Age? Not much older than the average adult dwarf on WOW
Catchphrase: Something that becomes an inside joke the next five years (Jane and Polly Dempf.)
My favorite memory of this guy: That time he yelled at me when I was ten and playing under the dinner table: "Get up and sit down!" I just stared at him, then we giggled.
Where you'll find him: Playing WOW and scaring us occasionally by remarking on our seemingly private conversation. You were listening, Dad?
Where he'll be in ten years: Still cheering me on, and still doing his Bob Dylan impression for every storybook character's voice
What I like to do with this Daddy-O of mine: Agree on how swearing is really funnier than Utah County likes to admit it is

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Person: Me mam. Age irrelevant, countenance that of a twelve year-old
Catchphrase: Some snarky remark that I was thinking
My favorite memory with this lady: Pretty much any of our fourteen thousand inside jokes (Kimmy!)
Where you'll find her: Busting her hump for the fam and still challenging us to five card draw
Where she'll be in ten years: A CEO
What I like to do with this mommy: Play a game called "Take the Ugliest Possible Picture of Yourself" (the attached photo is NOT a demonstration)

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Person: My dog, Ranger. Age "eternal puppy."
Catchphrase: Blank, happy look with electric wagging tail.
My favorite memory with this canine: The time we popped a balloon while he was asleep under the table and he did a tap dance on the kitchen floor while trying to escape.
Where you'll find him: Crate or lap. Crate or lap.
Where he'll be in ten years: Jumping and twirling in a heavenly field with a forest of butts to sniff and herd nearby.
What I like to do with this doggie: Sic my cat on him and watch them do the forbidden dance of mortal enemies who are secretly curious.

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Person: My sister, Hannah. Age eighteen.

Catchphrase: "My bad!"

My favorite memory with this chicka: Sleeping in the same room in elementary school, sneaking all the Easter candy out of my parents' closet, and sharing a jawbreaker (five minutes sucking each)

Where you'll find her: Taking pictures of herself in her room while trying to make love ballads out of songs by the Darkness, or being pissy at her boyfriend

Where she'll be in ten years: A cute mom who still eats her spaghetti gross

What I like to do with this girl: Anything that makes us both laugh

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Person: My brother, Keaton. Age fourteen.

Catchphrase: "Watch this dance move." (Proceeds with some funky little series of gyrations and twirls that I couldn't reproduce for my life.)

My favorite memory with this guy: When he was four and used to refuse grilled cheeses. "I'm a boy, Mom, I don't want a girl cheese! Boy cheese!"

Where you'll find him: Trying to watch Gilmore Girls without anyone seeing him.

Where he'll be in ten years: Probably still oblivious about the girls that gawk him, the quality of his drawings, and the charm of his personality

What I like to do with this kid: Wow him with my not-so-vast-yet-still-incredibly-applicable knowledge of the world wide of sports