"What's it like? Do you, like, freaking pull your hair out every second?"
"How do you do it?"
People, people. I just do it. I love Finley that much. I get a break at least every day, just a few moments to shower, drive around with the windows down, get some sunshine on my face. As a mother I feel I am thriving.
The hardest part of being a single mother is actually being single. Raising a child is something I always pictured doing with a partner. I thought I'd share a bed with a lover, not my daughter. I imagined that dating would end, a long term commitment would begin, and in that we would have a baby.
I thought there would be somebody to marvel at my sacrifice, at what my body produced. I thought that the father of my baby would watch her emerge, see my hips, see my skin stretch, trace his fingers along my belly, find the miracle in it all. I have had plenty of people who held my hands and told me I was amazing. But not Finley's father, and that's hard.
It's hard to respect your body when not even the father of your baby does.
Getting dressed today I re-examined my stretch marks, and just chuckled to myself. For now, it's just me admiring my battle scars, giving me a daily pep talk, reassuring myself that the sacrifice of flawless skin is worth it.
5 comments:
This is beautiful. Am I so lame for loving this so much?
K. Yeah, crying the ugmo cry.
you are incredible.
I was a single mother. We split up 2 months after my daughter was born. I know it's hard, but the best thing to do is to stop thinking about him. You're being a good mom (and person). That's honorable and deserving of your respect.
Bonnie, yes you are lame.
Mom, better than the ugmo yawn.
Wednesday, you are so right. I am so over him but the damage is still there. Hence why I titled this "Puke Up Emotional Baggage." It's all digesting, but occasionally hurtful things are regurgitated. I take my hat off to other single moms out there. You're my heroes.
Yep, the damage lasts for a while. I spent so much energy on my jerk ex. That's the only reason I can tell someone else it's not worth it. It got me nowhere. It sucks, hurts, and feels so unfair. There will be a time you get over it completely though. It may seem like a long road, but you'll get there.
(Found your blog through DC btw!)
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