Some idiot on formspring (which is probably in the top ten dumbest things I indulge in) asked me "what do you even do all day?"
It stirs in me fears I've had all my life--the fear of being unproductive. Lazy. The fear of taking too much "me" time. The fear of anyone concluding I'm not a hard worker. The fear of being perceived as selfish.
My mind works like a web--a churning, creative, hyper-intense web that doesn't let me get restful sleep or do just one project at a time. I get inspired to do one thing, work on it for fifteen minutes, and find myself already imagining three other projects. My writing ideas, especially--they reproduce like rabbits who have just gotten out of prison.I know it's the opposite of a lot of writers' complaints: the opposite of writer's block. It's writer's diarrhea, actually. It pours of out of me allllllllllllll day.
It actually gives me a lot of the nervous energy I do have--I'm so afraid that if I don't do EVERY creative thing that comes into my mind, it'll leave, and the whole creative gift I've been given will disappear... Which is why even if I'm sitting still, I'm working.
I'm always working. The few times a day I do finally sit down to just zone out are usually interrupted by some breakthrough that I HAVE to write down immediately.
I know this probably doesn't count. I know people around me are working hours a day at "real jobs." Well, we'll see who has a "real job" when I spit out the right novel and my album makes me a millionaire.
And let me tell you. I have never been more creatively open than I am now, as a mother and as someone who's been around and seen a few things. But I have less time now than ever.
1 comment:
I loved this post (despite mean, anonymous people). It's all a juggling act from here on out. You'll do/you're doing just fine.
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