So Many Choices...

Something I've always thought about openly is my own funeral/death. You've thought of it, too, and in detail, so don't you dare call me morbid! I have thought about this the normal-morbid amottn of time, so there.
And I'm totally secure about writing this post.

So, I'm pretty sure I want to be burned. Seriously. Not as my cause of death, but as the disposal of my remains. Fire, to me, is very cleansing, and I'm pretty sure my witch-like disposition has spawned several "burn her at the stake" requests from various acquaintances of mine. But there are other amazing options:

(For this segment, go ahead and picture that guy who does commercials speaking, with, like, "I Want Candy" playing in the background)

A) Have my remains turned into... a lovely diamond ring! That's right, my dear sweet offspring could literally wear me on their fingers in a beautiful synthetic diamond FOREVER!

B) Be eaten by vultures! This is the speciality of Tibetan Buddhists, who will pulverize your body into safe, bite-sized pieces for the vultures to consume--what better way to fly with the birds?

C) Take my remains to Madagascar, where, on the anniversary of my death each year, hired "mourners" will... dance with my bones! Yes, each year bones of deceased are dug up, dressed in ceremonial clothing, and do Thriller!

Other fun options for the death package:

...Capturing my final breath in a bottle (then selling it on Ebay)

...Having some Catholic official "eat" my sins (a feast to be had)

...Making soap of my eyeballs or something--once again, so offspring can be near me, even in death

...My own burial pyramid. With a mask. Made of all gold. (Like Tut.) (I'm better than Tut.)

And then there's the actual eulogy, very important. I've always wanted Free Bird to play. Cliche, I know, but fitting. Also, absolutely no hymns, no prayers, no bishop presiding (and I'm not sorry--that's what I want!), and everyone should come in their favorite dirty jeans and a plaid flannel shirt. There's plenty of speaking allowed--in fact, I think the absolute best way to honor me would be to never shut up about me! That's what I would have done!
And then everyone has to eat at least one piece of eel sushi, and you can finish it off with a round of shark trivia, and you can all feel the void that is left that is me, because no one can answer shark trivia faster than I.