24.11.11

Really Deep Thoughts: Open to All

Hi.
Sorry about that slight meltdown in which I locked my blog down.
I've used this blog to chronicle the highs and the lows of the last three years. But sometimes, when I glance through my archives, I'm so humiliated/ashamed/enraged at the mistakes I made.
It was all I could do not to Ctr + A and DELETE.
A blog should never be a chore, or dead weight on a to-do list.
I started this blog three years ago as an outlet for thoughts that had zero purpose in my life, because sometimes I can't stand that of all the millions of thoughts we have, only one or two are preserved daily. That's a lot of thoughts that pass and disappear.
My blog (obviously) reflects things that are going on in my personal life, and this blog morphed into a journal. That is NOT where I intended it to go. That is NOT where I intend to keep it.
I get SO sick of myself, you know? The last thing I want to write about at the end of the day is my silly problems, my life, my kid, my, my, my, me, me, me...
I write for about three hours a day total, without fail. I write stories, dabble into projects, write in a notebook just for the sake of moving my hand across a page and making words. I can't afford to have a blog that weighs me down.
Part of my issue is that I've had shifts in the past year, two years, three years... Haven't we all? If you could look back to your random thoughts from a year ago, would you stifle a gag like I do and think, "Oh, little girl, you and your ridiculous worries?" It's hard to keep everything in place and saved forever on the Internet when I feel like it represents where I was, not where I am now.
Ugh. Rambling.
My blog is, and always will be, open to all. I love that you read this. I'd write it anyway. The Internet is just a funny place where any misspoken words or undeveloped concepts are kept alive for eternity, and nothing ever dies.
Thanks for caring. Thanks for reading.
And happy Thanksgiving back.

2 comments:

Me said...

This is how I keep up with who you are at the moment. Pull it if you want, but you'll just start getting regular phone calls. :) Love ya, lady. Jess :)

Anonymous said...

Write something here. Soon. Please.