My Hot Friday Night Date With Homework

Me: I'll have a smoothie and a brownie.

Girl at cashier: Okay. Name?
Me, in an awkward yelling voice that resounds over and over in my mind: Mary. (My fake name for cashiers, because who doesn't know how to spell/pronounce Mary?)
Girl at cashier: Mary? (Giggles) You're really pretty.

Me, even more awkwardly than before: Thanks, but if you think I'm something, you should see my sister.

Old man sitting next to me, shouting: Why does it smell like cheese?

Me, thinking: He's right, it does smell like cheese. Why?

His wife: You like cheese.

Old man: But are they cooking a vat of it? And why isn't it on the menu?

Also distracting me from my papers:
A man eating his sandwich with a fork
An amigo with the best Mexi-mullet I've seen since California. (Sorry, that's incredibly insensitive, but you'd forgive me for my political incorrectness if I had a snapshot.)
Someone at the cashier ordering fifty dollars worth of pastries, then getting his total and saying, "Wait! Her birthday is next week! Will these freeze?"


Lehi Kneaders is my Cheers. Here, everybody knows my (fake) name.