Whooooooo Are You? Who Who? Who Who?

Scene (alternative definition: picturesque rehearsed until perfection for an audience)

Do you add Zzzzzs to the end of all your words (and therefore write like the entire I Haz Cheezburger website)?

Are you a member of livejournal.com?

Do you use a favorite edgy song lyric with X's in between the letters for your screen name for Myspace or Facebook?

Do you own a white leather belt/anything with studs?
Is your hair two-toned?

Did you dye it/cut it yourself?

Do you give everyone a flashback to their childhood with your fashion sense? (Carebears, polka-dotted bows, dinosaur T-shirts, etc.)

Have you ever seen Fall Out Boy live?

Congratulations, you are/aren't scene!

Scene kid: (online) Hii wazzup i ttlly hearted da showzzz tonitez...

Everyone else: WTF are you even saying?

Hipster (alternative definition: underwear)

Are you wearing thick-rimmed glasses with little or no prescription? Do your thick-rimmed glasses even have lenses?

Are you reading a Chuck Palahniuk novel?

Do you like having your picture taken? Do you have more than a hundred recent photos of your head and shoulders?

When you get your picture taken, do you pose with your feet turned in?

Do you find yourself constantly saying, "I loved this band until they got tons of exposure and sold out."? (Exceptions include The Beatles, Arcade Fire, and Radiohead)

Do you despise regular sporting ecvents and find yourself (ironically?!) drawn to odd sports such as badminton, racquetball, and lacrosse?

Do you constantly describe the things you are doing as witty and ironic, even though no one around you is really listening?

Do you have a trust fund which you contantly blow on thrift shop one-of-a-kind finds?

Do you have a fake moustache in your glove compartment, just in case?

Do you own and wear the following: tight jeans, V-neck T-shirts, fedoras, Converse, "ironic" facial hair, short sideswept asexual hairdo, Obama fashion, neon?

Do you have less than 2% body fat?

Have you ever heard the term "hipster"? (Hint: if you have, you're not a hipster. If you've called yourself a hipster, you're definitely not a hipster.)

Do you own anything by Apple?

Do you claim to be "artsy", but really it's a facade because you kill art daily?

Congratulations, you are/aren't a hipster!

Hipster: "I'll have a non-dairy, nonfat, sugar substitute decaf cappuccino... only because Starbucks is open and my favorite hole-in-the-wall coffee shop became popular."

Normal person: "I'll have an iced coffee. I'm not threatened by things that are trendy, because I like what I like."

Indie (alternative definition: bad-ass archaelogist afraid of snakes)

Do you find yourself explaining what "indie" is more than once a week?

Have you ever denied being Indie while Modest Mouse/Death Cab for Cutie/Rilo Kiley is playing?

Do you make music but refuse to talk about it because that's the "trendy" thing to do?

Do you wear Keds?

Have your friends ever suggested doing something "normal" and not indie, like going to the school dance, and you shout, "No way, let's go get Del Taco and then eat it in the produce section of Wal-Mart! Is that independent enough for you?"

Do you shop at Urban Outfitters?

Have you gone green?

Do you prefer records?

Do you look down on the trend that is to hate your life and your parents?

Do you like your parents?

Do you use birds, guns, newspaper equipment, or stars as tattoos or other accessories?

Have you ever hung out at a library without touching a book?

Congratulations, you are/aren't an indie!

Indie kid: Hey, do you have any Joy Division?
CD store clerk: No, man. We do have a wall of Radiohead behind you.

Indie kid: (Sigh) Fuck.

Hippie (alternative definition: an ACTUAL hippie from the 1960s who actually engaged in a protest that wasn't just another "demonstration" for gay rights)

Do you sneer at "No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service" signs, even though you're currently wearing shoes?

Do you talk frequently about Eastern philosophy/religion? (Bonus points if you constantly mention your Buddhist tendencies and how you've just got to make a pilgrimmage to Mecca)

Do you make Noam Chomsky look like Rush Limbaugh with your ridiculous rhetoric?

Do you drive a hybrid? Or a Volkswagen?

Do you have a hatred for policemen because they are "the man"?

Have you ever used the word "dank"?

Do you spend hours recording so-called psychedelic music that is basically twelve-minute long songs with no lyrics, no meter, and no melody?

Are you hanging out with homeless people just to help your street cred?

Do you love nature? (What that really means is you go up to the canyons twice a week to do mushrooms because you "love nature")

Do you find yourself drawn to the word "conspiracy", even if it's in weird places like "man on the moon conspiracy" or "Democratic party actually run by the devil conspiracy"?

Will you start an argument about anything?

Congratulations, you are/aren't a hippie!

Hippie: "What's your sign? I'm a feces."

Satanist (no alternative definition available)

Do you worship Satan?

Congratulations, you are/aren't a Satanist!

Normal person: You don't look like a Satanist, you're not wearing black leather or studs through your eyelids or listening to Marilyn Manson. And where's your upside-down cross?

Satanist: I just look really gross in black leather.

Douchebag (alternative definition: feminine hygiene product of the 50s)

Are you a man?

Do you wear diamond stud earrings?

Is the word "tight" in your daily vernacular?

Do you drive a 2002 Mustang because it's "tight"?

Do you relate to rap, even though you're living in a white middle-class suburban area?

Do you frost your tips?

Do you know what frosting your tips means?
Are you over the age of eight and still wearing a pink polo shirt?
Do you own anything by Hurley? (Exception if you skateboard)

Does Kevin Federline resemble you?
Congratulations, you are/aren't a douchebag!

Douchebag: (walks in room)
Everyone else: MOAN.

Some are not quite as clear cut as the others.

A good mother

Were you breastfeeding exclusively until about a month ago, when your daughter Finley took a bottle of formula and has since gained proper weight, slept better, napped better, and been all around happier?
Are you considering weaning at 7 1/2 months even though you wanted to nurse for the recommended first year of life?

Do you feel guilty about weaning?
Does your baby no longer want to nurse, not even in the mornings or at bedtime?

Does that make you feel guilty?

Does your baby go to bed at 1am and sleep in till noon like a little teenager who poops her pants?

Does that make you feel guilty?
Do you realize that weaning would let you lose the weight you daydream about losing all day long?
Does that make you feel guilty?

Approximately what is the ratio between guilt and nonchalance you feel on a daily basis?

Congratulations, you have no idea what you want to do or who you are!