I Couldn't Make These Up

Don't you love being a member of the human race? If you're a monkey, I'm so sorry, because it means you can't laugh about the news.
Especially this story, reporting the new top baby names for boys and girls. Can you guess what the number one names are?
Or this one, talking about the new SarcMark. Oh, yeah. Because if you aren't witty enough to get irony or sarcasm, we should all put a SarcMark after our sentences so you can join in on the joke. SOOOOOO sorry for leaving you out.
Or how about this one about sleep deprivation? Maybe it's only funny to me, because according to this article, I'm not only more dangerous behind the wheel than a drunk driver, but also heading towards an early death. Oh, well. At least then I'll get some rest.