Oh, and...

Update: I am not dilated. I am not effaced. My cervix is as clenched as Jack Black's buttcheeks.

However, she has dropped... further down than my friggin' cervix. That's at a station 2. A station 3 is... crowning. She still kicks my ribs, though, and the midwife said that's because I'm short and the baby is probably stretched out. So kind of her, to take over my stomach, my lungs, my diaphragm, and my bladder all at the same time.

Braxton Hicks contractions coming two or three times a day, and they hurt. As does everything. Weight gain so far? Nearly 50 pounds. Of that, only 10 will be baby and placenta... But if you want to come over here and pry the Cheetohs from my hands, you'll have to get past me, and I can sit on you and squish you flat.

Updates to come as they occur!