Confession

I'm kind of jealous that even the Mucinex boogers seem to be doing better in life than I am.
Note the following:

Moving into his first apartment, a cozy little boudoir that will soon lead to...Loud, raucous parties thrown by all his bachelor friends: disco lights, unspecified "luau" theme, and maracas that become more entertaining the more tequila is consumed, followed by....
Shameless self-advertising propaganda in the form of T-shirts, bumper stickers, baby onesies, even (surprisingly) tissues, which obviously is a result of...

Hard work--here is our favorite booger relaxing in his first Lazy Boy after a long strenuous day, which is the first step towards building a lasting...

Marriage! The booger managed to pull his head out of his ass, buy a ring, get down on a slimy green knee and propose to his lovely booger bride, and now they're off to honeymoon in Rome, examining the many ancient boogie collections housed in the Vatican's endless museums.

I'm just saying.