College Translations: FYI

"You look smart."
Translation: "You have no revealing cleavage."


"Exactly how many pages do you want the paper?"
Translation: "How little work can I get away with doing?"


"I'm not very good at writing poetry."
Translation: "Please offer me various compliments on my writing and pry into my previous writing credits."


"Yeah, a publisher asked to see my book."
Translation: "I'm pretentiously trying to act like I know anything about the publishing industry."


"I liked the example on page one in the textbook."
Translation: "I only read page one in the textbook."


"Can I have expresso?"
Translation: "I'm pretending I know about coffee to impress the art major in line behind me, and I will sputter when I get my first sip of 'expresso' in a minute. Wait and watch me spill it on my man-boots."