The Ugly Faces of Motherhood

A cautionary tale for future mothers. One of the sacrifices you surrender as you enter this glorious realm of caring for a little one is your image. Case in point: Finley's hitting problem.
Finley likes to hit. No, let me rephrase that. Finley likes to hit me. In the face. No, let me be more specific. Finley thinks it's freaking hilarious to go in for a kiss and then smack me square in the middle of my face, knocking off my glasses and rendering me shocked and humiliated.
Exhibit A: Me, already wiped out from an hour at the aquarium where Finley was terrified of the fish, but exhilarated at the prospect of running after random children around corners. As we peered around the gift shop, I showed her various stuffed animals, and she plotted her attack. See how hammered I already am? Bad hair, shifty shirt, makeup sweat off...

 

Here we are, posing sweetly for a picture that would capture this moment forever. See, I really love aquariums, fish, all things ocean--all things biology, really, so this was a big deal for me. Plus, she was wearing her cute poncho, so I thought we'd make a memory.

 

Hit one. She finds it mildly entertaining, and I'm stifling a laugh, because I've learned I can't show any weakness to children or hobbits. Ever.

 

Hit two, and she nails her target. My glasses fly, and the ugly begins. Hannah captured this shot, where I am equally horrified and holding in my laughter with all my might. Notice the look of glee on Finley's face, tongue hanging out, planning another shot.

 

I quickly pull her away from Hannah, who is cracking up, and discipline her in the corner. "No, no!" I tell her wagging my finger. But see her face? She doesn't give a flying fart. She's having the time of her life.

There's also another ugly face, full of resentment, that Hannah captures. 

 

So we try again, for a nice shot of the two of us, mother and daughter side by side. But see how she's studying my face? She's already sizing me up for round two.

 

And there it is.

 

Success! And what the hell do I do? I can't spank her, because she just laughs and looks at me like, "Oh, see, you get it! Fun, huh?"

 

Bested by my own. 

Now I know how you feel, Mom.

New mothers, beware of the uglies! The slaps!