To My Server at Pirate Island

Dear Pirate,

How could you have possibly known that to me, the most attractive traits on men are 1) accents (real or fake, doesn't matter); 2) eye makeup (just as a costume, not everyday wear--please see Gerard Way of My Chemical Romance or Adam Lambert, not David Bowie); and 3) undeniable charming ways. Like when you told my dad he looked good in his paper pirate hat.

I'm sorry I didn't simply hand you my phone number like a normal single girl would do, or even strike up a conversation. I'm sorry I averted my eyes every time you tried to lock your glance with me. I was too embarrassed to just attempt an acquaintance-ship, so instead I left you a rambling note with my digits, explaining that I was a single mom but you could call or text if you wanted.

No wonder you haven't tried to reach me. Your busboy probably just swept it into the trash.

I wish I had been braver. I wish I had flirted. I wish I was brave enough to come back.

But, see, I'm just getting used to a new change in my life, and my heart is kind of spoken for right now. You wouldn't be dating me, you'd be dating a family, and maybe that's just a little much to expect from a pirate.