Why do our minds think this way?

Okay. So tonight I taught my faux-sis-in-law Reilly how to play chess. I am horrible at chess. I should be better at chess. It was Rei's first time playing chess. Reilly... (huge sigh) Reilly beat me at chess.
Cue Charlie Brown sad-walk-with-head-down music.

While we played, however, we cast the chess pieces. Yep. So here they are.

THE PAWN

The bishop MUST be played by someone who looks good in a dress. I mean, a bishop gown. And Geoffrey Rush has that right amount of corrupted-religious-figure-secretly-stabbing-people-through-the-curtain-of-the-confessional thing going on.

THE BISHOP

THE KNIGHT
Heath Ledger. I mean, duh, right? The only flaw in this would be when the game is interrupted for make-out session with said knight.
There are two knights. There should have been two Heath Ledgers.

THE ROOK

The rook should be Jason Statham, someone badass, slightly foreboding, extremely powerful, and yet... strangely attractive.

THE KING

When Reilly learned how powerless the king really is, we knew it was someone snarky, stubborn, someone who pays others to do the dirty work for him, and someone who is probably too busy feeling up the maidens-in-waiting to fight the war... Enter Robert De Niro.


THE QUEEN

And... the queen. Meryl Streep, who incidentally is a queen... of acting. If you don't believe me, just watch Modern Family and take Cam's word for it. The queen is ruthless. Stealthy. Sneaky. Tall and thin. She's reckless, too, though, so she commands the pawns to resurrect her if she should die.

Why do we think in these terms? Why? Although--it did make playing the game rather fun. It's nice to see Geoffrey Rush corner Robert De Niro with Meryl Streep watching on in approval.

The knight stays in the squares closest to me...

I'm no Bobby Fischer.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt would play the pawn, and represent the weak, struggling, eager beaver pawn beautifully. Poor little chess piece that could!