Confessions: Music

Confession: the last time I played the piano was in June. The last time I took that long of a break from the piano was that long stretch between the pianos of heaven and my fifth year of life, when I had my first piano lesson. I miss it.

Confession: tonight, for the first time in my life, I sat down at the computer to just listen to music. Nothing else. Not write, not sing along to it, not to get inspired, not for anything except to just enjoy it.

I cried. I loved it so much. I know it's weird to think that I don't do this with music, considering how huge a part of my life it's been. But I have a sick obsession with recording every emotion, thought, or impression that I get. It's been a fear of mine that I'll die and all those special times--sunsets, kisses, anger, falling asleep, adrenaline rushes, chidbirths, shopping sprees, dust storms--will disappear with me. It's not that I particularly think my life is so amazing people will HAVE to read about it.

That's why every time I've listened to music in the past, it has become utilitarian. Every note of any song was a message directly to me to do more, write more, create more, work harder.

Not tonight. Tonight was for me to sit back and FEEEEEEEL. And I got tired, so I turned off the music and tried to go to bed. But even with angel Finley next to me, I felt lonely. So I turned the music back on and listened.

Then I decided to post my playlist. This is a collection of the songs that I love right now--not necessarily my favorites, but just good songs that make me feel something. Listen, or don't listen.