Worst Cycle Ever

For some reason, I'm having a hard time getting through my brain that I NEED TO TAKE MY CRAZY PILL EVERY DAY. It's not that I'm not used to having a pill to take every day, because for years, to combat the horrors of menstrual cramps that would literally cut my insides, I took birth control.

Yet here I am, with my 40 mg of Celexa... Some days I remember, sometimes I forget, sometimes I remember but am too lazy and think, "I'll just take it tomorrow." The thing is, antidepressants only work in consistency. Without the daily dosage, it does nothing--it's not like a painkiller you pop on a need-by-need basis.

So I'm stuck in a horrid circle. At one curve is that God-awful feeling of getting used to new meds--fatigue, those stupid brain shivers, weird appetite, odd aches and pains as my body tries to get used to the new chemical additives. 40 mgs isn't an easy dosage to handle.

On the other hand, when I don't take my pill for three days, then I suffer from antidepressant withdrawal--nausea, fatigue + insomnia (which equals lots of sleep but no rest), and the inability to hold any food/liquid down.

Why do I do this to myself? Am I a masochist? (Answer: yes.) I hope that soon I come to my senses and hop off this train, because it's no Thrillsville.